


Wants and Desires

by HeyPeople76



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean Winchester/Top Sam Winchester, Insecure Dean, M/M, Mpreg, Pansexual Sam Winchester, Panty Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2018-12-13 04:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11752026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyPeople76/pseuds/HeyPeople76
Summary: What Sam and Dean already have is special. Dean can't help but think that it could be even more special if he just allowed himself to actually be, well, himself.





	1. The Case That Started It All

“This is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had.”

“That’s not true. What about that time with the werewolf in Seattle-“

“Ok, there’s no need to relive that disaster.”

Dean laughed at the disgusted look on his brother’s face. “Aw c’mon, it was going just fine until you decided to fall into that sewer.”

“I didn’t DECIDE to fall anywhere. YOU were the one that decided that we needed to-“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses.” Dean said getting out the car and heading towards the front door of the building they were parked in front of.

Sam got out of the passenger side of the car and caught up to Dean. “It took me three days to get the smell out of my jacket.”

Dean scoffed. “So what? That jacket was gross anyway, you should have just thrown it out.”

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. He was done with this pointless argument, plus Dean was kind of right anyway. That jacket had been old and kind of gross, not that he would ever admit that to Dean though.

They were in Glasgow, Kentucky investigating a possible ghost problem at the Glasgow State Nursing Facility. Three reported deaths by asphyxiation in as many months. No sign of break in to the rooms and one of the staff was credited in an online article saying she felt a cold spot in the last victims room before she left the night he was killed. 

The deaths all centered on an inhabitant of the facility named Marlene Bankman, a 73-year-old that had Alzheimer’s and had moved in just under a month before the first death. The three victims were all friends and neighbors of Marlene so unless Marlene was wheeling herself over to their rooms in the middle of the night to strangle her friends to death, Sam’s money was on some sort of ghost that had latched onto something she owned and for some reason was taking out it’s frustration on her friends. 

Dean in his infinite wisdom had decided that the feds disguise wasn’t going to cut it this time. He went on and on about how suspicious and nosy old people were until Sam agreed just to get him to shut it. The plan this time around was to pose as Marlene’s great nephews. A plan that Sam was sure was going to get them arrested. Again. “I still think this plan is stupid.”

“You said so yourself, she’s had no family visitors since she got there so the staff will have no idea and it’s not like she will be able to vouch one way or another.”

“That’s rude.”

“Yeah but I’m right and you know it.”

They approached the front desk where a lady was busy typing away at a desktop computer. She looked up when Dean cleared his throat. “Can I help you gentlemen?”

Dean smiled and rested his forearms on the desk. “Yeah hi, were looking for Marlene Bankman, could you tell us where her room is?”

The lady narrowed her eyes slightly. “And what is your business with Ms. Bankman?”

Sam saw Dean’s smile widen and knew he was laying down the charm hard. “We’re her great nephews, just wanting to pay our dear old great aunt a visit. She’s our grandmother’s sister in law and her and Granny were so close back in the day. She would come over and give us hard candy and toys when were younger. Ah, I can almost taste the peach cobbler she used to make.”

The receptionist looked completely done with them and Sam at this point was ready to grab his idiot of a brother and run until she held her hand out. “Can I see your IDs for your visitor passes?”

Dean’s eyes lit up and he winked at Sam when he turned around to grab his fake drivers license stating that he was Sam Thompson. “Here you go ma’am.”

The lady snatched the IDs from Dean’s hands. “Thank you. I’ll be right back with your passes.”

The receptionist walked into a room behind the desk and Dean turned to face Sam. “Still think this is a stupid idea?”  
Sam smiled and shook his head. “Got to hand it to you I guess. I thought for sure she wasn’t going to buy it and have security kick our asses out.”

Dean leaned against the desk. “You underestimate the power of the charm Sammy-boy.” He then snickered and shot Sam a finger gun with his right hand.

Sam rolled his eyes but before he could respond the lady came back out to the desk. “Here are your IDs back and your visitors passes. They must be worn visibly on your shirt during the duration of your visit. Ms. Bankman is located in room 189, go down the hall and to the right and follow the numbers until you find it. Will that be all gentleman?”

Dean took the offered IDs and passes from her. “No that will be all. Thank you so much for your help Cheryl.” He said reading the name off of her nametag.

Cheryl rolled her eyes and said, “You’re welcome” before turning back to her computer. 

Sam and Dean stuck the visitor pass stickers to their shirts and headed in the direction of room 189. They passed various inhabitants of the facility walking around with canes and walkers or being wheeled around by staff. Dean gave a low whistle. “Good thing we’ll never live to get that old. Would suck having to rely on some metal contraption to get around.”

Sam gave him sad smile. “You still on that dying young thing?”

Dean scoffed. “Of course. It’s not like any one in this profession lives long enough to end up in one of these places. We’ll die on the job somewhere in the next 10 to 15 years probably and that’ll be it. Just hope somebody will take care of Baby right.”

Sam stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. Dean walked a few paces forward before realizing Sam wasn’t following and went back toward him. Sam looked his brother in the eye. “You really think we only have 10 to 15 years left? And after we’re gone that will just be it? I get were not leaving much in terms of legacy but all those people we’ve saved, the friends we’ve made along the way that are still alive. Do you seriously think none of that will matter?”

Dean shook his head and turned away to start walking down the hall again. “I’m not having this conversation with you here.”

Sam jogged a little to catch up. “So when are we having this conversation?”

Dean kept walking. “Never. Oh look, we’re here.”

In all their talking they had stumbled upon room 189. Dean knocked on the door and a high-pitched “Coming!” could be heard from the other side. A couple seconds later a young brunette wearing nurses scrubs opened the door and smiled at them. “Hello! Can I help you two?”

Sam smiled. “Hi we’re Sam and Dean Thompson here to visit our Great-Aunt Marlene.”

The nurse’s eyes lit up. “Oh visitors! Mar will be so excited! Come in, come in, I’ll go get her for you.”

The nurses rushed them in through the door into the kitchen area of the unit and hurriedly introduced herself, as Valerie before running towards what Sam assumed was a bedroom. Dean turned towards Sam and whispered, “I get Nurse Hottie, and you can talk to the old bird.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and made a fist with his right hand and placed it in his left palm, signaling for a game of rock, paper, scissors. Dean rolled his eyes and did the same. By the time Valerie came out into the living area of the unit rolling a wheel chair that held Marlene, Sam had a very smug look on his face while Dean looked downright miserable at losing again to his little brother. Rock, paper, scissors was a stupid game anyway. 

“Look Mar, your great nephews came to visit you! Isn’t that nice of them?”

Dean gave Marlene a small and gentle smile. “Hey Auntie Marlene, you remember us? Sam and Dean?”

Marlene looked up at them confused. “Oh I’m sorry. I don’t believe I do. Not that I remember much of anything these day.”

Valerie smiled and crouched down next to the wheel chair. “Oh that’s ok Mar! Why don’t we all go sit in the living room to chat?”

She ushered Sam and Dean over to the couch in the living room before rolling Marlene over by the coffee table and then grabbing a chair from the small kitchen table for herself. She set the chair down next to Marlene’s wheel chair and sat down. “So when’s the last time you two saw Marlene?”

Dean put on his thinking face. “Oh it must have been the early to mid nineties. We moved away and kind of drifted apart but we heard through the grapevine that she wasn’t doing very well and figured we should come visit. Right Sammy?”

Sam gave Dean a quick bitch face before turning towards Valerie and Marlene and smiling. “Right you are Dean. We were in town and decided to come for a quick visit.”

Valerie clapped her hand onto the handle of Marlene’s wheel chair. “Aw well isn’t that just darling. Isn’t that darling Mar?”

Marlene looked bored. “I suppose so.”

Valerie’s watch started to beep and she stood up. “Oh! If you will excuse me it’s time to get lunch started for this lovely lady. You boys are welcome to join us! We’re having soup and chicken sandwiches.”

Sam stood and followed her into the kitchen after giving Dean a signal to know that he was going to try and get some information from her. “Need any help?”

Valerie looked up from the pot she was fussing with. “You don’t have to do that. I wouldn’t want to keep you away from spending time with your aunt.”

Sam smiled and grabbed the bread off the counter to start making the sandwiches. “It’s no trouble. I mean we are going to be eating your food.”

Valerie laughed. “I suppose you are!”

They worked in silence for a minute, Valerie heating up the soup on the stove and Sam constructing the sandwiches. Finally Sam started the interrogation. “So I heard there’s been some deaths in this area of the facility recently.”

Valerie shook her head sadly. “Yes it has been such a tragedy for us. We lost Meredith and Peter a couple months ago and then Bill just last week. Your aunt was devastated, all three were very good friends of hers. You shouldn’t have anything to worry about though when it comes to your aunt’s safety. We’re taking every precaution we can when it comes to our residents.”

Sam smiled. “Good to hear.” He pushed further. “So other than the deaths, have you noticed anything out of the ordinary around here recently?”

Valerie stopped stirring the pot of soup for a second and thought. “Well, now that you mention it…” She trailed off but Sam motioned for her to continue. “Well we’ve been having some problems with the air conditioner lately, here in Marlene’s room in particular. It will just get cold in certain areas for a while for no reason. And we just replaced the air conditioner last year! It was still under warranty so we had a guy from the company come and check it out but he said nothing was wrong with it. Plus I think something is up with the electrical wiring, lights flickering for no reason and such. This building is old though so who knows when those were last tuned up.”

Sam nodded at everything she said. All they needed now was somebody to slip away long enough to run an EMF meter in the unit and they would have the proof they needed of a ghost. Of course after that came the hard part, figuring out who the ghost was and how to stop them.

Meanwhile in the living room, Dean and Marlene were having an awkward stare off. She didn’t seem very interested in talking to him and he was trying and failing to come up with a conversation starter. He looked to the bookshelf against the wall to his left and noticed a book on botany. “So, you like plants?”

“I know you two are not whoever you claim to be.”

Dean looked taken aback. “What do you mean we’re not who we claim to be?”

Marlene rolled her eyes at him. “I may be partly gone but not gone enough to recognize the fact that I’ve never seen you two boys before in my life.”

Dean rolled his lips together and sat there for a moment thinking about how to handle the situation when Marlene piped up. “I won’t rat you out to Miss. Perky over there or anyone else in this joint. I just want to know upfront if you’re here to rob me.”

Dean chuckled. “Nothing gets past you does it lady?”

She looked smug. “I try. However I’m afraid I won’t be able too much longer. It’s still early stages for me but it’s only going to get worse.”

Dean moved over to the other end of the couch closer to Marlene and patted her knee giving her a sympathetic smile. She brushed him off. “Oh none of that now. I’m still here and kicking, no use acting like I’m already dead.”

Dean gave her a genuine smile. He decided this was probably the most awesome old person ever. He leaned in close. “Ok sweetheart. You want to know why we’re really here?”

She leaned in as well. “Hit me with it.”

“My name is Dean Winchester and in the kitchen is my brother Sam. We hunt monsters for a living. Vampires, ghosts, werewolves, you name a so-called mythical creature and I guarantee we’ve killed at least one. Right now we think you might have a ghost on your hands that’s been strangling your friends.”

She nodded solemnly. “How will you know for sure?”

He pulled his EMF meter from the inside pocket of his jacket. “Well the best way to tell is with one of these.” He held the meter up and shook it in his hand. “It’s called an EMF meter and it measures electromagnetic fields that the ghosts give off. And I bet if we turned it on right here.” He paused and turned the meter on. The needle instantly started going crazy. He turned it towards Marlene to show her and she took if from him. 

She looked up from the meter at him. “So this means there is a ghost in my home?”

Dean nodded. “Most likely, although there are other indicators. Feel any cold spots around here recently?”

She vigorously nodded. “Yes, in my bedroom in particular.”

Dean opened his mouth to question her further but was interrupted by Valerie. “Time to eat!”

Dean looked behind her to Sam who mouthed to him ‘I’ll tell you later’ to which he nodded back and stood up to help wheel Marlene over to the table.

Lunch was a quite affair, everybody too focused on his or her food to talk. It was nothing fancy, just reheated soup from a can with sandwiches obviously made with leftover chicken from dinner some time ago. Chicken was still pretty flavorful though Dean noted. When they were finished everyone helped to clear the table and just after they finished, a voice came out of the radio attached to Valerie’s hip. She picked it up and spoke to the man on the other side briefly before turning to them with a sad smile on her face. “They need me down the hall in another room. Do you think you guys will be ok without me for a little while?”

Dean looked at Marlene and winked before turning towards Valerie. “Yeah I think we’ll be alright, right Auntie Marlene?”

She smiled at Dean. “Yes I think we will be quite alright. Run along dear, it sounds like they need you.”

Valerie gave them a big smile before rushing out the door and leaving the three of them alone. Sam turned towards Dean. “So what did you and Aunt Marlene talk about?”

Marlene scoffed. “Cut the crap young man. I know all about your little ghost hunting adventure.”

Sam had a look of shock and horror on his face at being found out until Dean went over and clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s fine Einstein, she’s cool with it and is going to help us, right Mar?”

Marlene smiled again. “Marlene please dear, I hate it when she calls me that. She’s been my assigned nurse since I got here and she’s lovely but sometimes she gets on my nerves.”

Dean laughed. “Love this lady. C’mon Marlene were going to investigate your bedroom, Sam follow us.” He then proceeded to roll her away towards her bedroom with Sam shaking his head at his brother’s antics but following nonetheless.

The three of them stopped once inside the bedroom. Dean turned towards Sam. “Ok what did perky nurse lady have to say?”

Sam shrugged. “The usual. Cold spots blamed on the air conditioner and flickering lights from electrical problems. Didn’t get a chance to run EMF, what about you guys?”

Marlene spoke up. “I’ve been feeling cold spots in this room in particular and I forgot about the flickering lights but now that you mention it, I have noticed it. Dean here ran his EMF meter thing in the living room and it said there was a ghost here, is that true?”

Sam nodded. “We sure think so. Now Marlene, ghosts latch on to something after they die when they have unfinished business here on Earth which is usually their body but sometimes when their body is destroyed they can latch onto an object that meant something to them in life. Do you have anything here in this room that once belonged to a dead relative like a lock of their hair, their favorite necklace, or anything like that?”

She thought for a moment. “I’m sorry boys but I can’t think of anything I might have like that.”

Dean smiled at her. “That’s ok, mind if we take a look around?”

“Oh go ahead dears. Feel free to ask me any questions.”

Sam and Dean took out their EMF meters and proceeded to sweep the room. The meters were going crazy all around the room but Sam’s went extra nuts when he waved it over a box on the dresser. “Hey Marlene, what’s in here?”

Dean went over and pushed her closer to the dresser. “Oh that old thing? Just one of my late husband’s old war medals. He fought in Vietnam you know.”

Sam and Dean shared a look before Sam turned back to Marlene. “When did your husband die?”

A happy smile crossed her face. “Oh it was about a week before I moved in here. Robert was always so good to me.” She stayed like that for a little while before sitting up in her chair. “Oh! You think it might be my Robert that’s been killing people?”

Dean put his hand on her shoulder. “Anything is possible and it’s the only lead we have got right now.” He looked at Sam. “Open that up and let’s see what we’ve got.”

Sam jiggled the lid. “It’s locked. Any idea where the key might be?”

Marlene pointed to the nightstand. “I keep some of my more expensive jewelry in the box as well. The key should be in that drawer there.”

Sam dug through the drawer but came up with nothing. “I’m not seeing a key here. Anywhere else it could be?”

Marlene looked sad for a second. “Oh dear, I must have misplaced it again.”

Dean turned towards Sam. “Let’s split up and search the place.” He said making a spinning motion with his finger. Sam went back to the kitchen and Dean stopped at the bathroom first before going to continue onto the living room. He decided to check the room while he was there and happened to stumble upon a small set of key that were laying on the floor of the shower. “Yahtzee!”

Sam poked his head in the room. “You found them?”

“Yup. Let’s get this show on the road!”

They went back to the bedroom where they had left Marlene and Dean went over to the box and unlocked it. Inside were various odds and ends of jewelry and tucked in the upper left corner was a Purple Heart. Dean picked it up. “I think this might be what’s causing all the trouble.”

“How do you get rid of a ghost?” Marlene asked.

Dean set the medal down on the dresser and started going through his pockets. “Usually we salt and burn the body but in this case we’re going to have to salt and burn this medal.” His hands came up empty. “Damn it. I think I left my lighter in the car. Got any matches or anything around here?”

Marlene shook her head. “No the residents here aren’t allowed anything dangerous like that.” She said rolling her eyes. “I think there might be some salt in the cabinet though.”

Dean tossed Sam the keys to the Impala. “Go get the lighter and some lighter fluid, I’ll check out the salt situation and text you if we need any.”

Sam shouted “On it!” before leaving the unit. Dean went into the kitchen and grabbed the two big containers of salt he found and set them on the kitchen table before going back into the bedroom. “Ok we’re almost ready to go here. Just got to wait for Sammy to get back.”

Marlene smiled at him. “You and your brother are close, aren’t you?”  
Dean took a seat on edge of the bed facing Marlene in her chair. “Yeah. I mean I practically raised the kid. We got thrown into this life when a demon killed our mother. I was four and Sammy was just a baby. Our father drove us all over the country hunting monsters and trying to avenge our mother’s death. It was a crappy childhood and it drove him to near insanity. Sam left for a while but I dragged him back in and now here we are. Dad’s dead and all we’ve got are each other.”

Marlene leaned forward and clutched his hand in between hers. “Well I think it’s lovely you two have each other.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah it’s nice I guess. What about you, any kids running around?”

Marlene leaned back in her chair and a sad look crossed her face. “No. Not anymore. I had a son, long ago, but he’s gone now.”

It was Dean’s turn to lean forward and grab her hand. “Do you remember what happened to him?”

She looked ready to cry. “I can’t remember his name or even what he looked like anymore. But I remember he was one of those special boys. Have you heard of them?”

Dean swallowed uncomfortably. Special boys as they were termed by the general public carried a gene mutation that still allowed for high doses of estrogen to be present in their bodies even after developing testosterone fueled male secondary sex characteristics. These boys also had the ability to become pregnant due to the fact that they were born with working ovaries as well as working testicles. Separate pathways kept the boys from fertilizing their own eggs but it had happened in a few tragic cases in history. And oh boy, had Dean heard of the special boys. “Yeah I know of them.”

“Well he was always just so different from the other boys. More feminine and sensitive and the boys from the neighborhood were always bothering and taunting him and one day when he was in high school, they cornered him in an alley while he was walking home and beat my poor baby to death! Just because he was different!”

Marlene was openly sobbing now and Dean leaned further in and gave her a hug while surpassing a few tears himself. They stayed like that for a little while before separating. Dean walked over to the nightstand to grab the tissue box resting on top of it and offered it to Marlene. She accepted it and began to wipe her face. “Thank you dearie.”

Dean gave her a small smile and went back to his spot on the bed. “It’s no problem.”

She sniffled before continuing. “Robert always blamed himself for it. He was a special boy too you know. That’s why he got the Purple Heart. The army didn’t care and drafted him to war anyway. His bunk mates were another story. He told me story once of how one them tried choking him in his sleep and would have succeeded had their commanding officer not stopped by. The army gave him an honorable discharge and a Purple Heart so he would keep quiet about the whole mess.” 

Dean nodded eyes wide. “I think we just got further confirmation that it is your husband that is doing the killings.”

Sam then burst in through the front door. “I got the stuff but we got to hurry. They’ve almost got the guy in 184 to take his meds.”

He set the lighter fluid and lighter next to the salt on the table and Dean wheeled Marlene in from the bedroom and placed the Purple Heart on the table as well. Sam set about dousing the medal in salt as well as lighter fluid while Dean busied himself pouring a salt circle around Marlene and her chair to make sure the ghost couldn’t touch her. Sam stood above the medal, lighter at the ready. “We good to go?”

“Yup!” Dean replied brandishing one of the iron sticks Sam had brought in with him in his arms. “Let’s do this.”

Sam nodded and lit the medal, which instantly went up in flames. They waited for a few moments before a ghostly figure of an old man appeared in the living room to which Marlene shouted “Robert!”

The ghost didn’t try and come after them though. It just sadly looked at Marlene and as the medal started to melt, he waved good-bye before disappearing completely. Sam took an oven mitt and scooped up the flaming mess from the table, dumped it in the sink, and turned on the faucet to high blast. Dean turned to Marlene. “You ok after all that?”

Marlene sniffled. “It was just good to see him again. Even if it was for the last time.”

Sam came over and held out the charred, melted remains of the medal. “Want to keep it as a souvenir?”

Marlene laughed. “That’s quite alright dear, just throw the wretched thing out.”

Sam disposed of the medal and began to clean up the mess they had made on the table while Dean talked to Marlene. “Just to be on the safe side we’re going to have to burn your husband’s body. Do you know where he’s buried?”

“No but that information should be in a folder in my nightstand.” She said gesturing towards her bedroom. Dean went to go retrieve it and just when he stepped into the living area again, Valerie came through the door. “Sorry about that, just an unruly patient. So what did I miss?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other before Sam moved towards her and the door. “Actually we were just leaving, Auntie needs her rest.”

Dean could hear Valerie protesting in the background and turned towards Marlene. “We’ll come visit you again in a few days after we get it done.”

“I’ll be here waiting. Don’t worry about the mess I’ll tell her I had an episode or something.”

Dean smiled. “You’re the best Marlene.” He then kissed her on the head before turning around and shoving the folder up his shirt and following his brother out the door sending a very confused Valerie a smile. Once they were safely out of the building, he pulled the folder out and looked through it. “Robert Bankman is buried at Glasgow Cemetery, like not even ten minutes from here.”

Sam nodded and they both got in the car to drive back to their motel to wait for the dark cover of night.

Two days later, the boys found themselves back at the facility once again knocking on the door of room 189. Their first visit to the cemetery had been cancelled due to a surprise rainstorm but last night had been perfect and everything was now done. Both medal and body burned, it was safe to say Robert Bankman had now truly passed onto the other side. Sam had even uncovered the reason for the random stranglings. Turns out all three victims were ex-military. Bill Evans and Peter Gallagher both served in Vietnam and Meredith O'Neil was an army nurse during the same time period. Bankman was probably just trying to get revenge for what his bunk mate did to him all those years ago. 

The door opened to reveal Valerie now wearing purple scrubs instead of blue. “Oh the Thompson boys! So good to see you again! Mar you’ve got visitors!”  
Sam and Dean entered the unit to see Marlene reading in the living room. She looked up at Valerie’s statement and smiled at them. “Hello boys.”

They smiled back at her and sat on the couch near her. Dean patted her knee. “Hey Auntie.” He said giving her a wink. She laughed at him and rolled her eyes. 

Valerie was still standing over the scene with a huge and slightly creepy smile on her face. Dean looked over at Sam and motioned towards her with his head. Sam stood up and walked towards Valerie. “Hey Valerie can I talk to you about something over here?” He then ushered her into the bedroom and shut the door behind them. 

Dean turned back towards Marlene. “We got the body burned last night and it went off without a hitch. You should have no problems going forward but if you do don’t hesitate to call us and we’ll be right over.” He then handed her a slip of paper with both his and Sam’s cell phone numbers on it.

She took it with a smile. “Thank you boys for all that you’ve done for me.” She then pulled Dean into a hug that he accepted before pulling away and moving to stand up to relieve his brother of distraction duty when she reached over and put her hand on his knee, stopping him. “I know.”

Dean gave her a confused look. “Know what?”

“That you are one of those special boys too. You would not have looked so upset when I was talking about it if you weren’t one and I recognize some of the characteristics in you now. The full lips and eyelashes but you’re still very masculine.”

Dean flushed completely red. “I uh take medication to suppress the worst of the symptoms. Can’t have anyone finding out in my line of work.”

Marlene huffed. “Anybody who makes you feel ashamed of who you are isn’t worth your time. You remember that.”

He gave her a small smile and nodded. “I will.”

Valerie and Sam came into the living area then and Dean stood up and addressed everyone. “We really have to get going, we’re heading home today and just stopped in to say good-bye.”

Valerie looked sad. “Oh well that’s a shame. Why don’t you say bye to your Aunt and I’ll walk you out.”

Sam leaned down to give Marlene and hug and then it was Dean’s turn. Before pulling away she whispered in his ear “You are a good man Dean Winchester and you deserve good things in your life.”

Dean pulled back in a daze not knowing what to do with that statement. Marlene looked up at him and winked. Sam then steered him towards the door and they left the facility behind them and jumped in their car. Sam pulled his seat belt over himself. “Home?”

Dean nodded and steered the Impala west towards the bunker. “Home.”


	2. Confrontation

Dean felt conflicted. 

There were just too many options and scenarios playing out in his head. On one hand, he could talk to Sam about how he was feeling and they could have this giant, gross, heart to heart, or on the other hand he could ignore everything.

Ok, so maybe there weren’t that many options, but it didn’t mean that Dean had to like either of them. 

It had been a few days since they gotten back from Glasgow and everything was operating as normal. Sam read books in the library, Dean washed Baby. Dean cooked burgers for dinner, Sam bitched at him about vegetables, the Winchester usual. Nothing had changed but Dean couldn’t help but feel like everything had changed. 

It was late in the evening. Sam was doing whatever it is that Sam does when he’s alone on his laptop in the library and Dean was laying in bed turning a pill bottle over in his hands. His left arm was tucked between the pillow and his head, propping him up to inspect the bottle in his right hand. 

The pills blocked his body’s normal production of estrogen and other like hormones to that of a regular adult male. They also worked as birth control because there was no way his body could successfully harbor a child without the extra hormones. 

‘Special Boys’ was just the colloquial term for men that had his condition. The actual medical term for it was Masculum Feminam Syndrome or MFS. It was caused by an inherited genetic mutation that baby boys were screened for at birth. However if his father knew he had the condition, he never mentioned anything.

Dean knew he was different growing up. Slightly feminine features plus vague memories of being a very dramatic and sensitive child before his dad had drilled into him that men were tough. There was no crying in hunting after all. 

His whole life changed one summer when he was a young teenager. The Winchesters were somewhere in Vermont hunting a black dog when Dean and Sam caught a bad case of poison ivy. Their dad had dropped them off at a free clinic, made sure they would be staying overnight for a few days while the infection went down before begging off with a family emergency when really he was going back out into the woods to deal with the problem himself. 

Dean remembered watching TV on mute as not to wake up Sam who was napping in the bed next to his when Nurse Goodwin walked in. He liked Nurse Goodwin. She had a nice smile and she was the one who had told the orderlies to allow the boys to stay in the same room together after he had yelled at them for trying to move his brother to a room down the hall. This time however, she wasn’t smiling. She sat on the edge of his bed and squeezed his right hand. “How are you doing Dean?”

“Good I guess. It doesn’t itch as much as it did yesterday.”

She gave him a small smile. “That’s good! You and your brother are both healing up nicely. I’m sure you’ll be right as rain soon.”

Nurse Goodwin turned away from him then. “Dean, have you every heard of someone called a ‘special boy?”

Dean nodded at her. He had met some of them at the various schools he had been to across the country. They always seemed to get made fun of, especially in smaller towns. Those boys were girly and could have babies. Dean didn’t understand why they deserved to be bullied for that though. He actually thought it was kind of cool that they could have kids. “Why?”

She continued to look at the wall. “When you and Sam first got here we did blood tests on you two, standard procedure for everyone who gets admitted here, and we found something in your test that was not indicated by the insurance information your father gave us.”

The nurse then went on to explain to him what exactly MFS was and that he had it. Dean’s head was spinning. If this got out, everyone would treat him differently. His dad probably wouldn’t let him hunt with him anymore and the kids at school would bully him too. There was one thing he had to know first though before anything. “Does Sammy have it too?”

She shook her head. “No, Sam tested negative for the condition.”

Dean nodded. “So what can I do about it?”

Nurse Goodwin looked taken aback. “Do about it? What do you mean?”

“Is there anything I can do or take to make sure no one will ever know I have it?”

She looked at him a long time before sighing. “There are pills you can take however I wouldn’t recommend them because of your age. Most people wait until they are 18 to start taking them.” 

He gave her his most charming smile before thanking her for telling him about the condition and the nurse bid him farewell with a smile of her own. Before leaving the clinic, he broke into the pharmacy on property and stole a bottle of the pills he needed. He had been on them every since.

Dean stroked his thumb over the name of the drug on the label. It was very long and to this day he still couldn’t pronounce it. He just remembered what the word looked like on the pharmacy runs he did every couple of months. He always told Sam he was stealing heavy-duty painkillers, which sometimes was partially true at least. 

Dean had perfected his masculine persona over the years. He hit on girls, drank beer, ate meat, and made fun of anyone who acted vaguely like the part of himself he was trying so desperately to hide. He hated the fact that he had become one of the bullies he hated but he had no other choice. No one would accept him if he told them he liked boys just as much as girls and that he could potentially give said boy a child without female intervention. This was his life and he just had to accept it and move on. 

He set his arm down on the bed before staring at the ceiling for a moment and sighing. He swung his legs over and got up, making sure to put the pills back in the stash he had located behind a loose board in the floor of his closet, before heading over to the library. What kind of older brother would he be if he didn’t pester his younger brother during his personal alone time?

Sam was sitting at the first table in the library, intensely staring at his laptop. Dean called out to get his attention. “Hey.”

Sam looked up. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Dean shrugged. “Nothing much. Just decided to come in here and annoy you.”

He sat down across from Sam while Sam chuckled. “Course you did.”

“Find any cases yet?”

Sam shook his head. “No. I was looking into something about a supposed animal attack but this time it was actually a bear. They caught the animal and found traces of the guy’s DNA in the bear’s teeth.”

Dean screwed his face up. “Well that’s disgusting.”

Sam huffed out a laugh. “Yeah.”

They lapsed into silence at that point. Sam was tapping away on his laptop and Dean was fiddling with the corner of one of the pieces of paper scattered on the table. After a while of this, Sam paused and looked up at Dean again. “Hey, you okay?”

Dean looked up again and took his hand away. He scoffed. “Yeah. I’m awesome. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Sam kept looking at him. “I don’t know you just have this air around you.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “An air around me? Where on earth do you pick up this shit Samantha?”

It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “It’s Sam and forget it. Try to help you out and see if you want to talk about whatever the hell is bothering you but of course you’re Dean Winchester so you just act like a dick about it. Don’t know why I even try anymore.”

With that he turned back to his laptop while Dean sat there frozen. He’d be lying if he said what Sam said didn’t hurt, but wasn’t this what he wanted? For everyone to think he was the epitome of masculinity that didn’t have time for girly shit like talking about feelings and other crap like that?

Sam sighed. “Sorry dude. That was uncalled for.”

“Don’t worry about it bro, it’s fine.”

“It’s just-” Sam huffed before shutting his laptop. “You’ve been acting weird for days. You’re quieter; I catch you staring off into nothing sometimes, and you’re just not yourself. I can tell something is bothering you and I’m just trying to help but you won’t let me in like always and it’s frustrating.”

Dean had looked down while Sam was talking and was now staring at his hands in his lap. After a few seconds of Dean not responding, Sam huffed and grabbed his laptop before heading to presumably his room. Dean was deep in thought. He was just tired, so tired of pretending to be someone he wasn’t and his talk with Marlene had left him with a lot to think about. She reassured him that he deserved good things in life but did he really? After everything he had done over the years? Did he deserve to let himself go and be free?

Plus there was the issue of if he did put himself out there, what would other people think? Would strangers accept him? Would his friends accept him? Would Sam accept him? Dean had never heard Sam say an ill word towards people with MFS but what if he was holding onto some deep prejudice towards them that Dean didn’t know about? He couldn’t lose Sam, not after everything they had been through. It would physical crush him and he wasn’t sure he could come back from that.

Dean was way over thinking this but he knew it was do or die. If he didn’t say anything right now he knew he was never going to say anything and potentially die with his secret. If Sam left him he could just throw himself into hunting and die at the hands of some creature like he told Sam he would. Then he wouldn’t be burdened by this secret anymore. Someone would know, even if they hated him for it but he could die happy knowing Sam would never mourn him. Leaving the world a better place because he took himself out of it. Sounds like a plan. 

“There is something bothering me.”

Sam stopped in his tracks and spun around on his heels. “Ok. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

Dean leaned forward with his elbows on the table and rested his face in his hands. “Yeah, but you’re not going to like it or me for that matter.”

Sam set his laptop down on the war room table before reclaiming his seat across from Dean in the library. He reached out and rested his hand on Dean’s left forearm before getting his attention with a soft “Hey.”

Dean raised his head from his hands. Sam was all kind eyes and small smiles. “I think we’ve established by now that there is pretty much nothing you could possibly do that could make me hate you. I might be a little angry but would never hate you, okay?”

Dean took his arms off the table before nodding. “Ok.”

Sam folded his hands in front of him on the table. “So, what’s up? Are you ok?”

Dean smiled softly at his brother’s concern. “I’m okay. Physically at least.”

“What’s been bothering you then?”

Dean sighed. Here goes nothing. “Ever heard of MFS?”

Sam furrowed his brows. “The condition that allows men to have children? Yeah, why?” A look of realization came across his face. He reached out but Dean flinched and Sam dropped his arm onto the table. “Dean?”

“Yeah. I’ve got it.”

“How long have you known, did you just find out or something?”

“Remember when we got poison ivy years ago?”

A look of shock crossed Sam’s face. “Dean that was in the early nineties! You’ve known all these years and you never said anything?”

Dean flinched again. He mumbled his response to which Sam prompted him to speak up. “I didn’t want you to treat me differently ok! If you knew then you’d look at me all weird because you’d know that I’m this weird girly man freak. And now you know so give it to me, I’m ready.”

Sam looked confused. “Ready for what?”

“The third degree. Tell me I’m an abomination and that you want nothing to do with me. Go ahead, I can take it.”

Dean looked down and closed his eyes so he didn’t have to see the look on his little brother’s face as he denounced him. After a few seconds of silence, Dean lifted his head slightly and opened one eye. Sam had this weird fond look on his face so Dean opened his other eye and lifted his head completely. Sam leaned forward. “Remember earlier when I told you there was nothing you could do that would make me hate you?”

Dean nodded.

“That still stands you know. So what if you can have kids? That’s actually kind of awesome. I mean, Dean, you can create life! That’s way more than any low life that tell you you’re a freak for it can do.” Sam paused for a second and started to look confused. “Wait, every person I’ve ever met with MFS acts way different than you do.”

“Yeah that’s because I’ve been taking pills to minimize the extra hormones I produce. I’ve been on them since I found out.”

Sam looked very concerned. “Aren’t you worried about what those could do to your health?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s better than people finding out and treating me differently.”

“If tell you that I will never treat you differently and promise to punch anyone that heckles you about it, will you please come off the pills before you do any serious damage to your health?”

Dean pouted slightly. “I can punch my own people bitch.”

Sam smiled. “I’m sure you can jerk.” That dumb fond look came across his face again. “I think you’re going to be a lot happier acting like your real self going forward Dean.”

Dean blushed and tilted his head. “Maybe. Thanks for being so understanding and not walking away.”

“You’re welcome. Anything else you need to get off your chest?”

Dean thought for a moment. “Oh yeah. I’m bisexual.”

Sam nodded. “Cool, I’m pansexual.” With that he got up again and went to retrieve his laptop. Dean whipped around in his seat to look at his brother’s retreating figure. “Wait, really?”

Sam nodded again. “Yup. I experimented a bit in college and found it doesn’t really matter what somebody identifies as, I just like people for who they are.”

Dean raised his brows in understanding and nodded. “Solid.”

Sam laughed. “Yeah.” He gestured towards the hallway. “I’m going to head to bed. Need anything else?”

Dean smiled. “Nope. Night Sammy.”

“Night Dean.”

Sam left and Dean spun back around in his chair. He propped his feet up on the table and lounged back in his chair with his hands clasped behind his head. A small and content smile crossed his face. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the kind words and kudos, they mean a lot!
> 
> If you want to come talk to me I'm on tumblr at acepandas :)


	3. Withdrawl

Dean walked into the kitchen the next morning. Sam was already up and sitting at the table with coffee and a book open in front of him. Dean plopped a pill bottle down in front of him causing Sam to look up before taking the seat across from him. “Those the pills you’ve been taking?”

“Yup. Once a day, practically every morning for the past twenty something years.”

“Are you going to keep taking them or are you done?”

Sam took the bottle and starting examining it in his hands but looked up again at Dean when his brother starting talking. “I think I’m done honestly. I wanted to get your opinion on it though because quitting these things cold turkey doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

Sam nodded. “Probably not. Give me a second, I’ll Google it.”

“Sounds good. Want more coffee?”

“Please.”

Dean got up to make himself a cup as well as top off Sam’s while Sam took out his phone and starting to look up any recommendations the Internet had for stopping medication like this. “You’re not wrong about quitting cold turkey being a bad idea. Most doctors recommend weaning off the medication during a period of time but even doing that comes with some side effects such as weight gain, anxiety, and insomnia among others. You’re also probably going to have some withdrawal symptoms as well. Coming off them also comes with an increased risk of certain cancers.” 

Sam put his phone down and put his head in his hands. Dean came back over with their coffees and grabbed his brother’s hand to get his attention. “Hey. You okay?”

Sam took his head out of his hands and sighed. “Yeah. I just wish I had been older when you found out you had MFS. Maybe I could have helped you then and you’ve wouldn’t of had to take these pills and keep is a secret for so long.”

“Hey, none of this is on you. It’s all my fault, I was the one who decided not to tell anybody and take matters into my own hands.”

“Yeah but Dean you were just a kid yourself, scared about what other people would think. What else were you going to do?”

Dean took a sip of coffee. “Can we agree that it was nobody’s fault then and get on with dealing with the consequences of it now?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, we can do that. Let’s start with you taking one of these every other day for a week and then gradually taking away dosages before you come off them for good. It’s going to take a while for all of this to be over though. After your last one, it’s still going to take about two months for everything to be out of your system.”

Dean sat and thought for a moment before taking the pills back and standing up. “Ok. I took one yesterday so today starts my first official day of weaning.”

Sam smiled at him. “I’m proud of you Dean and I promise I’m going to be there every step of the way.”

“Yeah, yeah no need to get all mushy about it.”

Dean then walked back out into the hallway before stopping and poking his head back into the kitchen. “Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for all of this. I really do appreciate it.”

Sam smiled at him again. “You’re welcome. Just promise to tell me if things start to get bad okay?”

Dean nodded and smiled back at him. “Ok.”

He walked back to his room then and set the pills onto his desk. After probably hundreds at this point, this was the last bottle of these pills he was ever going to take. Going off them was going to be hell but it was definitely going to be worth it.

-

He was right in his assumption that going off the pills was going to be hell. The boys had agreed that hunting while this was happening wasn’t a good idea so they were on a break of sorts until it was all over. The first week or two wasn’t so bad. Dean felt a little off but it wasn’t anything serious. As the dosages got fewer and fewer though, shit started to go down.

His appetite plummeted. He had no interest in food at all and what little did manage to eat he threw up shortly after. Upon standing he would get dizzy so he spent most of his time in bed. Unfortunately any amount of sleep he got was plagued with nightmares and he would frequently wake up to find his throat hurt from all the screaming he did during the night. 

Sam was a godsend during all of this. Bringing Dean food in bed and cleaning up afterwards if he didn’t manage to keep it down, helping him walk to the bathroom and propping him up in the shower when he was too dizzy to stand and walk on his own, and even sitting with him in his room if he had a particularly bad nightmare until he fell back asleep. 

Eventually though, everything stopped. There were no more pills, no more withdrawal symptoms, and nothing for Dean to hide behind anymore. 

It had been four months since they started this journey. The drugs had run their course and Dean’s body was finally producing the hormones it was meant to produce. He didn’t feel very different. A little more emotional maybe, but deep down he was still the same old Dean. Even Sam said he didn’t really notice a change. 

Currently they were in the middle of Nebraska working on a poltergeist case. This was their first hunt since Dean went off his medication and they wanted to ease back in with a simple one. 

Something that had changed though was Sam. He now watched Dean like a hawk no matter what they were doing. It was if he expected Dean to spontaneously combust or something at any second and it was getting annoying real fast.

“Dude!”

“What?”

Dean looked expectantly at Sam from his seat on the bed. He had been lacing up his boots when he looked up to find his brother staring intensely at him from his seat at the small table by the window and decided that he had enough of whatever this was. “I thought you said you weren’t going to treat me any differently.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are and it’s bugging the hell out of me. I’m fine and I don’t need you constantly standing over me, watching my every move. I’m a big boy Sammy and I can handle it.”

Sam sighed. “Sorry Dean. I didn’t realize I was doing that. I’m just worried.”

“Well don’t be.”

Sam had that kicked puppy look on his face that instantly made Dean feel bad and want to apologize but he stood his ground and stormed out of the room towards the car. 

It was getting dark and the poltergeist’s residence was on the other side of town from their motel so they had a bit of a drive in front of them. The first couple minutes were spent in silence with Dean clutching the steering wheel and Sam brooding out the window. Dean wasn’t even mad; he was just annoyed and looking to pick a fight. He sighed. Maybe something’s had changed. He was actually going to instigate this talk and not just because he felt like he had to, he actually wanted to talk to his brother about why they were both upset. “Talk to me Sammy. What’s going on?”

Sam lifted his head to look at Dean with furrowed eyebrows. “Nothing other than the fact that you yelled at me earlier for no reason.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. But you’ve had a serious staring problem going on lately and you said its because you’re worried. Talk to me, what’s got you so worried?”

Sam looked down at his lap. “This is your first time out of the bunker since you stopped your medication.”

“And?” Dean said urging with his hand for Sam to go on.

“I’m just afraid and worried that people are going to start treating you differently and I know you don’t want that but I don’t want it either. You’re still my brother MFS or not and I still love you. You don’t deserve the shit that people might pull and I dread something happening to you. That’s why I’ve been acting so weird the past few days. I feel like if I keep an eye on you at all times I can keep you safe or something.”

Dean nodded his head a couple times. “Ok one, thank you for your concern two, like I said earlier I’m a big boy and I don’t need my brother to fight my battles for me and three, I love you too you big sap.”

A small smile rolled over Sam’s face. “You know that’s the first time you’ve said you loved me in a really long time? I mean don’t get me wrong I know and everything but it’s still nice to hear you say it every once in a while. Only if you want to though!”

Dean returned Sam’s small smile before looking at the road again. “The way I saw it was that every emotion besides angry and happy were girly and shouldn’t be touched with a ten foot pole unless I wanted people accusing me of being a sissy. Words like ‘I love you’ would get stuck in my throat and I couldn’t force them out. Being off the pills is so liberating I can’t even describe it. It feels like twenty pounds have come off my shoulders and I can do whatever I want.”

Sam’s smiled stretched out into a bigger one that showed his dimples. “You seem so much happier now and I’m happy for you.”

“I am, just don’t be expecting love declarations every hour, I’m still me after all.”

Sam laughed. “Yeah you are and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

With that Sam leaned over towards Dean’s side of the bench and kissed him on the cheek before snuggling his head up against the window again and closing his eyes, the smile still on his face. 

Dean instantly felt his face go red as soon as Sam’s lips touched his cheek. It lasted maybe a second or two at the most but Dean could still feel the heat of Sam’s lips against his face. He reached up to cup his cheek with his right hand before feeling like a teenage girl and quickly dropping it. Well, that had been unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are still awesome. Thanks so much for everything! :)


	4. Morning After

What the actual fuck. 

That phrase had run through Dean’s head plenty of times in the past few days. They had finished with the poltergeist and had now moved on to a wendigo in Colorado. Dean had pretty much been operating on autopilot since that kiss though. Normal brothers didn’t do that! 

Ok, in no way were they normal brothers. Normal brothers hadn’t lived in each other’s pockets as long as either of them could remember. Nor had they been to hell and back. That was neither here nor there though, in no part of fraternal relationships normal or not did it include cheek kisses. 

Dean could actually remember the last time Sam had kissed him on the cheek. He was six about to start first grade and Dean himself was ten about to start fifth. They had walked over to the school from their motel holding hands and the whole way there Dean reassured his younger brother who was scared to be in a school with grown up kids. When they got to the front of the school all the teachers were standing out front holding signs with the grade they taught on it. Dean pointed out the lady with the sign with the one on it to Sam before squatting down and letting Sam tackle him in a hug. Sam let go and kissed his cheek before running off to be with his new class. Dean approached the group of fifth graders that had congregated around their new teacher and was met with sneers and jests about how he let his brother do that to him. Boys didn’t do that to each other, it was disgusting. Dean found himself agreeing just to get them to stop laughing at him and when he got home later that day he told Sam no more hugs and no more kisses, they had to be big boys now. Sam looked about ready to cry but agreed anyway. Dean smiled sadly at the memory.

Wait a minute. 

Why did he remember that?

He hadn’t thought about anything like that for years. It was so random. Well maybe not so random considering recent events. Dean actually liked the hugs and kisses he got from Sammy but it wasn’t worth having people making fun of him. Dean stopped in his tracks. Who cares what people thought of him now? The whole point of him not taking the pills anymore was so that he could be more of himself. To hell with everybody else. Dean took a deep breath in and out before exiting the motel bathroom he had been more or less hiding and pacing in. 

Sam looked up at him with a teasing smile from where he was sitting at the small table in their room. “Everything come out okay? You were in there for like an hour.”

Dean threw a pillow at his brother’s head. “Bitch.”

Sam caught it one handed and chucked it onto the nearest bed. “Jerk.”

“Got anything on our friend Wendi?”

“Not yet. Probably going to need another day.”

Dean sighed and flopped down on his bed. “Awesome.”

“You don’t have to stay here you know, there’s a bar just down the road.”

Dean turned his head to the right to look at Sam. “Yeah but only if you go with me.”

“Dean I’ve got a lot to do here and-

“And nothing. We’re going and that’s final. You might even get a chance to defend my honor like you wanted to Lance A Lot.”

“That’s not what I said and don’t call me that.”

“Whatever.” Dean stood up, went over to their duffels, and threw a clean shirt in Sam’s general direction. “We leave in twenty, go on get ready.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head but complied with his brother’s request. Maybe a night of drinking would be fun. 

-

In Sam’s opinion this bar had the perfect noise level. There was no dance floor so no obnoxious rave music blasted from the speakers, just a few country songs that could barely be heard over everyone talking and having a good time. Sam sat nursing a beer in a booth towards the back and his eyes were currently trained on Dean ordering a drink near the front. God his brother was gorgeous. 

Sam had been harboring a not so little crush on his brother since he knew what crushes were. At first it freaked him out a bit cause hey, this was his older brother he was talking about but Sam figured with all the other shit going on in their lives, incest would probably be the least of their problems. Half the motel clerks they met assumed that they were together anyway so it actually wasn’t that far fetched of an idea. 

He knew Dean didn’t feel the same way but that was okay. It made Sam happy to see the love of his life happy and boy was Dean happy these days, especially right now. Slightly drunk and laughing at some probably lame joke the guy standing next to him at the bar said. Sam wasn’t exactly thrilled about that last part but there wasn’t much he could do about it. 

Dean stumbled back over to their booth with a beer in hand. He sat and downed half the bottle in one go. “This place is awesome! Good thinking Sammy.”

Sam laughed at the dopey smile his brother had on his face. “Thanks I guess. How much have you had to drink?”

Dean finished the rest of his beer before attempting to count clumsily on his fingers like a child. Sam smiled. His brother was so cute sometimes. 

Dean kept this up for a little while before giving up and shaking his head. “I don’t know.”

Sam finished his beer before rising out of his seat and going around to the other side of the booth. He clapped Dean on the shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

Dean smiled. “Okay Sammy!” He then proceeded to jump out of his seat only to sway on his feet once he was upright. Sam went immediately to his side and lifted his left arm over his shoulders. “I gotcha buddy, just hold on okay?”

Dean nodded and with Sam baring most of the weight for both of them they walked to the car. 

-

As soon as Sam unlocked the door Dean ran into the room and jumped on his bed with his face to the ceiling, giggling the entire time. Sam shook his head but an amused smile and crept its way onto his face. “I know for a fact that you didn’t drink enough to get this plastered. Maybe you not taking those drugs anymore did something to how your body metabolizes alcohol.”

Dean giggles some more. “You’re so smart Sammy. You know real big words.”

Sam went over to the bed and started to take Dean’s boots off to make him more comfortable. Dean propped his head up slightly with a sad look on his face. Sam looked up from his task. “What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t kiss you anymore cause the other kids were mean and I miss your Sammy kisses.”

Sam was really confused for a second before remembering the momentary lapse in judgment he had when they were in Nebraska. In hindsight he definitely shouldn’t have done that but he couldn’t exactly take it back now. It just felt right in the moment. “You miss my kisses?”

“Yeah! And hugs. You give real good hugs Sammy.”

Sam smiled softly. “Well if you ever want a kiss or hug all you have to do is ask.” 

He then stood up to retrieve a glass of water and some aspirin to leave on Dean’s nightstand when he heard a small voice. “Can I have a kiss now?”

Sam whipped back around to his brother gazing up at him with his big green doe eyes. “I mean. I guess.”

He then went over to the bed and placed a small kiss on Dean’s forehead. He went to turn away again when Dean started giggling. “You missed!”

“I missed? Where do you want me to kiss you then?”

“Here!”

Dean then sat up and yanked Sam’s head down towards his and gave Sam the best kiss of his entire life. Dean’s lips were soft and they weren’t covered in sticky and gooey stuff like lip gloss and lipstick. It was perfect. 

After what felt like an eternity Dean pulled away and kissed Sam briefly on his nose before lying down again. “Night Sammy.”

Almost instantly Sam could hear his brother softly snoring away while he was stuck there in shock. He blinked a few times before going off to assemble the water and aspirin again. If Dean remembered this disaster in the morning, he was definitely going to need it. 

-

Dean woke up with a gross taste in his mouth and knew that he had passed out last night without brushing his teeth first. He must have gotten drunk or something. This was further confirmed when he discovered he was still laying on top of his comforter with his jeans and jacket still on. 

He sat up and propped himself up with his arms behind him. The room looked more or less the same so nothing got destroyed score one for Winchester. He couldn’t exactly remember what had happened last night but he assumed that he had just passed out. That was until his eyes landed on Sam in the bed to his left. His brother was lying on his side and facing Dean. His hands were tucked under his chin and he had a small smile on his face. Dean smiled. Sam was so cute. 

Wait. 

Did he just think of Sam as cute?

Dean’s eyes widened. So that’s what happened last night. Everything came rushing back to him. As quickly as he could he jumped from his bed and rushed into the bathroom. He must have woken up Sam because he heard him yell “Dean?” before he shut and locked the door.

Sam kept knocking on the door trying to get him to open up but Dean stayed in his spot curled up between the side of the bathtub/shower and the wall. Sam eventually gave up and Dean could hear him walking back over to his bed and sitting down.

He couldn’t believe he kissed Sam. He just ruined his relationship with the most important person in his entire world. There was no way they could come back from this. It was all over. Sam would probably be long gone by the time he gathered the courage to leave this smelly room. His point was proven when he heard the door to the room open and shut. Guess this was the end. 

Dean wrapped his arms around his legs and balanced his chin on his knees. Tears started to run down his face without his permission but he felt too weak to brush them away. He was officially alone in the world now. He hoped Sam hadn’t taken the Impala away from him as well while burying his face in his knees.

He didn’t know how long he sat there but eventually he heard the front door open and close again. Dean snapped his head up and held his breath as he heard foot steps come over to the bathroom door again. A quiet “Dean” followed a small knock.

It was Sam! He actually came back! Dean swallowed before answering “Yeah?”

“I got some doughnuts from the gas station across the street if you want breakfast.”

Dean couldn’t help but huff out a laugh. “After everything that I did to you last night, your solution was to go and get me breakfast?”

Sam didn’t answer for a while. When he did though, it had nothing to do with breakfast. “Do you regret it?”

Dean thought about playing dumb but there was no point now. Of course he regretted the kiss, Sam was his brother for gods sake! It had been a nice kiss though. Short, sweet, lips firm yet soft and attached to a gorgeous partner. Dean shook his head. Maybe he didn’t regret it but he couldn’t tell Sam that. What kind of a creep likes kissing his own brother?

“It’s okay if you don’t regret it you know.” Sam interrupted his pondering. “Or if you do, it doesn’t really matter. I’m still going to be here either way. I promise.”

Dean scoffed. “You would be okay with having kissed your brother?”

There was a pause. “Yeah. Actually.”

Dean swallowed again. After he said this there was no turning back. No matter the outcome, their relationship would never be the same. “What if I didn’t regret it? What if I theoretically wanted to do it again?”

He heard Sam take in a sharp breath. “Are you being serious Dean?”

“I can’t even begin to describe what that kiss made me feel but I know it felt good and that I want to do it again. It’s just that, we’re brothers Sam! We shouldn’t be doing this or even talking about it.”

“What would you say if I said that I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was in middle school?”

Dean’s head snapped up. “What?”

“I’ve liked you for ages Dean. I never said anything because I didn’t want you to freak out and leave. If you did that it would kill me.”

They were both quiet for a while, Dean in shock. His brother had legitimate feelings for him. Now that he had established that, did he have feelings for Sam? That kiss was amazing and as long as Sam was ok with it, he wouldn’t mind exploring this a little. “I don’t even know what I feel right now. Everything is a complete jumble in my head right now. If we do this, I can’t guarantee what will happen or how long this will go on. Are you okay with that? I don’t want to mess with your feelings Sam.”

“You wouldn’t be! I know what I’m getting into and how it might play out and I’m okay with the fact that we might break apart but don’t we deserve a chance to be happy? I mean yeah we’re brothers and it might seem wrong but after everything we’ve been through, fuck what other people might think. We’ve earned this.”

Dean sat there for a moment. Fuck yeah they had earned this. “So, we doing this or not?”

He could hear Sam’s smile in his response. “Yeah. I guess we’re doing this.”

Dean nodded before standing up and going to open up the door. On the other side stood a nervous looking Sam. Dean nodded again. “Good.”

With that he threw his arms around Sam’s neck and pulled him down into their second kiss. Sam wrapped his arms around his torso and pulled them as close as possible together. Sam was right, fuck what other people were going to think about this. It felt too right for Dean to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick one this time but I wanted to get this show on the road. Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement! :)


	5. Vamp Town

Dating your brother probably shouldn’t be this easy. 

Dean had been expecting some sort of awkward transition phase between just siblings to now siblings and significant others but that really hadn’t happened.

Of course, it had happened a little. The first motel they checked into after Colorado, Dean asked the clerk for two queens without even thinking about it until Sam taped on his shoulder to remind him. They only needed one bed from now on.

Dean had felt nervous as they readied themselves for bed. What was Sam expecting from him? Dean wasn’t ready to have sex quite yet. He still needed more time to wrap his head around everything before they ventured into that territory.

Ultimately though, he didn’t need to worry at all. Sam climbed into the left side of the bed and held the covers up from the right side as an invitation to join him. Dean smiled before also climbing into bed. They lay on their side facing each other with dumb smiles on their faces for a while before Sam pulled Dean over to his side of the bed and made him lay his head down on his chest. Dean wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist and Sam turned off the light prompting them both to fall asleep. Not that he would ever admit this to Sam but Dean had gotten one of the best night’s sleep of his life using his brother as a pillow.

Other then that, nothing had really changed. They were still Sam and Dean and they still drove around in Baby hunting monsters and saving people. They just kissed a lot more now. 

Speaking of kisses, Dean could feel Sam pressing gentle kisses to the back of his head as he woke up one morning in the Bunker. They shared Dean’s bed because he wasn’t about to give up his memory foam for nothing. Dean smiled with his eyes still closed before flipping over to face Sam. “Good morning.”

Sam laughed. “Good morning sleepy head. You plan on sleeping the day away? I’ve already gone for a run, showered, gotten dressed, and made breakfast.”

“It’s only nine, not all of us can be overachievers like you.”

Sam laughed again. “C’mon, up and at ‘em.”

Dean groaned before climbing out of the bed and going over to grab his robe. “It better be a good breakfast and not any of that oatmeal crap you made last week.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “You know oatmeal is really good for you and it doesn’t taste that bad.”

“It’s mushy and tastes like ass, who cares how good it is for you.”

“Whatever it’s not oatmeal anyway so stop complaining.”

Dean tied the robe around his waist and slipped his slippers on his feet. “Good. I’ll meet you in kitchen, I got to take a leak.”

Sam nodded. “Ok.” He then leaned down to give Dean a kiss before heading off to the kitchen while Dean went over to bathroom.

After doing his business, Dean entered the kitchen to find Sam at the stove. “So, what have we got?”

Sam turned around with a frying pan and spatula and went over to the table and starting divvying up the food between two plates. “It’s just scrambled eggs and toast, nothing fancy. Don’t know how to make much else.”

Dean walked over and put his hand on Sam’s back. “Hey, I know you can’t cook a lot of things but I still appreciate it. Looks good babe.”

Sam looked down at him and smiled. “Thanks Dean.”

The boys then dug into their breakfast. Dean wasn’t kidding when he said it looked good and it tastes pretty good too. He was usually in charge of the food in the Bunker because he enjoyed cooking and he was actually pretty good at it. Sam didn’t like cooking as much but every once in a while he would make something simple and it made Dean happy to see his brother trying.

As they finished up their food, Sam sat up suddenly. “Oh I totally forgot. I think I found us a case.”

He left the kitchen to go fetch his laptop and brought it back to the table. “So get this, a bunch of kids have gone missing in Stockton, Utah over the past month. All the kids are under the age of ten and the town is respectively kind of freaking out. No direct connection between any of the kids, mix of genders, ethnicity, and social backgrounds, the only thing being that they were all taken from their homes in the middle of the night.”

Dean took a bite of his toast. “So a bunch of kids got kidnapped. What makes you think this is our kind of thing?”

“I didn’t until I saw an article talking about a break in at the town clinic. Almost the entire blood bank got stolen.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Vampires.”

“Sounds like it to me.”

“But what the hell would vampires want with a bunch of little kids?”

“No idea. Maybe they want to use them like Celia’s nest used Alex, as bait.”

“Maybe.” Dean stood up. “I’m going to go get ready, we’ll leave at noon.”

Sam nodded and started to gather up the breakfast dishes. “Sounds good.”

-

Vampires were weird. Most of the time they were just blood thirsty morons but every once in a while you would get a nest that was somewhat competent. This was unfortunately one of those times. 

When the boys arrived in Stockton, they started the usual rounds of interviews with the parents of the missing kids as well as the staff of the clinic that was broken into. They weren’t finding any more information pointing towards vampires until one of the mother’s said that she caught a glimpse of the man that took her daughter. She didn’t see much of this face but she said he was a young man of average height and it looked like he had fangs but she had put it down to a trick of the light.

Stockton was an old mining town filled with lots of abandoned buildings. Few were big enough to house twelve children and a maybe big nest of vamps though so Sam and Dean chose the biggest one to investigate that night. However they were ambushed almost immediately.

Which leads to where they are now. Chained to a wall in a room also filled with hogtied children that were very scared and just wanted their parents. 

Sam sighed and rested the back of his head against the wall for a second before turning to his left to look at his brother. His lock pick kit must of fallen out of his pocket at some point because he didn’t have it but Dean had his and had been working on his own cuffs for the past ten minutes. Sam looked over at the kids again in front of him. The room wasn’t that big but the kids were together in a huddle on the other side of it from the boys. They had tried to talk to them and get some information but the kids weren’t very interested in talking to two strange men and he couldn’t really blame them. 

Everyone in the room jumped when the door opened and one of the vampires walked in. The vamp walked in front of Sam and Dean and smiled with fangs on full display. If Sam had to guess he would say this guy was the ringmaster of the whole operation, he had been the one to order them to be chained in this room after the others over took them at the door. “Well, well, well, never thought I would have the Winchester’s hand delivered to me at my door.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah well we make it a point to grace every blood sucker like you with our presence. Doesn’t usually end well for them though.”

“Oh I can assure you that this time will be different.”

“Like it’s the first time we’ve heard that before.”

The vamp ignored them and kept talking while walking around the room. “You see this nest is bigger than you could even imagine. I’ve been around for a long time boys and when some idiotic hunters destroyed my last nest, I decided to lay low for a while and that’s how I stumbled upon this place. Less than seven hundred people in some dumpy town in the middle of nowhere that no body pays attention to unless they have to, I could have an empire, an army to do my bidding. So I started turning people. They were mad at first but eventually they came around and started telling their friends and then I even had people willingly coming to me. The group that I had the most trouble with though was parents especially parents with young children. They didn’t trust me, thought I was dangerous.”

He stopped and faced the children. The cowered under his glare and it made him smile again before he continued. “It’s amazing how cooperative people can be once you take the one thing that matter’s most to them.”

“So your plan is to turn an entire town and you kidnapped a bunch of kids to blackmail people into listening to you, can you get to the part where we’re supposedly not going to kill you now?”

He turned back to them with another wide grin. “Well it’s a bit hard to kill anything once you’re already dead.”

With that, the vamp promised to be back soon before exiting the room and locking the door behind him. Dean must have finally gotten the locks undone while the guy was in the room with them because he immediately broke out of his own cuffs before coming over and starting on Sam’s. “You okay?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah I’m fine.”

A look of relief crossed Dean’s face and he stopped for a moment with his head bowed before cupping Sam’s cheek with his left hand and kissing his forehead. Sam smiled. “Everything is fine Dean, I said I was okay.”

“Yeah it’s just…” He left the sentence hanging before going back to work on the cuffs. Once Sam was free he went over to work on the door and Sam went over to the kids. “Are you guys okay?”

The kids looked up at him wide eyed and cowered close to one another but one brave little girl at the front of the group spoke up. “We’re okay.”

Sam gave them a small smile. “That’s good. We’re going to get you guys out of here and back to your parents soon all right. You just need to stay put while we go take care of the bad guys. Can you do that for me?”

The children hesitated for a second before nodding.

“Yahtzee!” Dean had gotten the door open. He turned towards Sam. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

The boys then exited the room to try and find anything that could be used as a weapon in this stupid warehouse.

-

Vampires were known for a lot of things. Finding good hiding places for weapons was not one of them. Machetes in hand, Sam and Dean had been able to take out the ringleader and the rest of the monsters in the warehouse. They didn’t know how many were still walking around town but that was a problem for tomorrow when they could start making calls for other hunters to get up here to help. For now, the boys were back in the room with the kids. It was late and a lot of the younger ones had already fallen asleep so they figured contacting the authorities could wait until morning. The sat on the floor against the wall that Sam had been chained to earlier watching the last few stragglers stay up and talk to one another. Sam had his head resting on Dean’s shoulder and every once in a while Dean would lean over and kiss the top of his head. “Job well done Sammy.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah, you too.” Two of the older girls were sitting in a corner and laughing together. They must be friends out there in the real world. It made Sam happy to know that this experience wasn’t sullying that for them.

He sighed looked up at his brother. “If I ask you something personal do you promise not to punch me?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“I’m being serious Dean.”

“Fine spoilsport, what do you want to know?”

Sam closed his eyes briefly to gather courage before asking the question that had been on his mind for a while. “Did you ever think about having kids someday? Not with a woman but you physically having them?”

Dean went silent after that. This went on for a little while before Sam muttered ‘Sorry, forget I asked’ and turned back towards the kids again.

A few moments later Dean whispered something that Sam didn’t even catch. “What did you say?”

“I said I did, I have. Thought about me being pregnant and having a kid that is.”

Sam looked back up at Dean. “When?”

Dean sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. “Every once in a while I guess. I’d see a young kid out with his dad or even a pregnant dude every now and again and would think about how that could’ve been me, in another lifetime or something. The closest I ever got to caving was when you were at Stanford. Before Dad went completely AWOL he would go off on hunts by himself and leave me to do my own thing often. I felt lonely and I started to think about how if I went to some bar and let some dude knock me up I would have a permanent travel buddy, someone who would always need me and never leave me like the rest of my family had. I never got the courage to go through with it though. What if Dad needed me but I was too pregnant to help? What if you needed me? Plus what the hell would I of told other people when they saw me? It just didn’t seem worth it.”

“Do you still think about it now?”

Dean looked down to match his brother’s gaze with a teasing smile. “You asking me to have a baby with you Sammy?”

Sam flushed bright red. “No! Well, not right now at least. In the future, maybe, if you wanted to.”

Dean laughed before resting his head against with wall again with his eyes closed. “If you ever knock me up, you got to promise that you’re going to bring me as much pie as I want.”

It was Sam’s turn to laugh. “If we ever have a kid I promise to bring you as much pie and any other crap that you want and only complain a little bit.”

Dean nodded once. “Good.” He then leaned his head on top of Sam’s. “Sleep Sammy.”

Sam leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before snuggling up to him and falling asleep as well.

-

It took about a week to deal with the town. The boys plus a few other hunters in the area took care of the unruly vamps first before discovering that a lot of those left had never fed and could be cured. There were still a few in the town left as vampires but they promised to feed on animals or willingly donated blood from the clinic. One of the hunters was based in Salt Lake City and said he would keep an eye on the town in case anyone decided to go dark side.

Overall, a successful and tiring case. Vamps taken care of and children returned to their parents, Sam and Dean headed back to their motel room for one last night before driving home in the morning. As soon as they walked in the door Dean jumped on Sam and connect their lips. They made out against the door for a little while before Dean started to try and remove Sam’s shirt. Sam pulled away in confusion. “Dean?”

“I love you and I want to have sex with you but only if you use a condom cause I am no where near ready for those babies you were talking about earlier.”

Sam looked so happy Dean thought he was about to start crying but he just kissed Dean again. “Sounds like a plan.”

With that, he removed his flannel and undershirt before pushing Dean onto the bed and climbing on top. This was going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, school is a big time suck. Hope you guys enjoyed it though! :)


	6. Mall Advice

Malls were loud, and they smelled weird but at least they provided some entertainment in the form of people watching. Dean currently had his sights on the play structure for little kids. The thing looked like germ city to him but the little ones looked like they were having fun at least. He took another sip of his coffee from his perch on one of the random benches in the middle of the mall where bored boyfriends and husbands usually sat. The nearest mall to the bunker was a bit of a drive, and he had only been here once before to buy new sheets when they first moved into the bunker but Dean just needed some place to think.

In hindsight, the mall might not be the best place to do this but once Dean got into the Impala it was the only place he could think of to go. 

He needed space from Sam. Not that Sam wasn’t being amazing because he was; this was just something Dean had to think through himself before he involved anyone else. That stupid baby comment Sam had thrown out on that vampire hunt a couple weeks ago. Dean played it cool in the moment but honestly the very idea terrified him. Having something else inside your body and growing right before your very eyes? Yeah, no thanks.

He was certifiable for even seriously considering the idea for a moment in their line of work. Dean refused to become his father, constantly leaving two young kids to their own devices in a crappy motel room was no childhood any child of his would have. Maybe in another lifetime he and Sam could have babies by the plenty and raise them normally in a house full of love and all that crap, if he was still somehow sexually attracted to his brother in the other world.

That was another issue, brothers. Wasn’t this why incest was bad in the first place? Some of those old royal families had gotten seriously messed up from it and Dean didn’t want his child to have to suffer because of his selfishness. 

Before the baby even came there was the pregnancy. A creepy life form growing inside you making you vomit and eat gross food not to mention the mood swings and the weight gain and the general unpleasantness of it all. This was the very thing Dean had spent pretty much his whole life trying to avoid, and yet he was sitting here on this stupid bench with gross coffee and desperately wanting it more than anything. He wanted to give Sam a baby, a little one that looked just like Sam that he could raise to be a nerd just like himself. He’d honestly even put up with the whole pregnancy thing if this was what Sam really wanted. With their lives and situation though they just couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to the baby. 

Could he even get pregnant now anyways? Being on medication like that for so long had to mess up his system and who knows if it was even working properly anymore, it’s not like he had a period or anything to be able to tell. 

In all of his thought, Dean hadn’t even noticed the guy that sat down next to him until he taped him on the shoulder. “Hey.”

Dean jumped slightly startled and just narrowly avoided spilling his coffee in his lap. “Hey. Can I help you?”

“No but I think I can help you. I’m the owner of the shop you’ve been staring at from this bench for the past hour.”

Dean flushed, caught. So the bench hadn’t actually been random at all. It had a great view of the only maternity store he knew that also catered to paternity clients, and he may or may not of been looking at the selection that he could see from his bench or the customers that walked in and out. He was just curious, and also a little envious, but he didn’t really want to tap into that particular emotion right now. “Uh yeah, sorry about that. I’ll just get out of your hair.”

He went to stand up and turned to throw his drink away when the man spoke again. “No! You weren’t bothering anything or me and you sitting out here is fine. I just figured since it’s close to closing time that I should come and say hi to my admirer. Are you and your partner expecting or planning to be?”

Dean flushed again and mumbled “Something like that.”

The man could sense the unease rolling off Dean in waves and offered him a smile. “Here my name is Luke and like I said I own the store. We’re ten minutes to close so if you want you could come with me into the shop with no one else around and you can look around or just talk if you feel like it. What do you say? I’ve even got a one cup coffee machine in the back that makes way better coffee than the sugary crap they sell at the Cinnabon in the food court.”

Dean gave him a small smile. Maybe a quick look around wouldn’t hurt. “I’m Dean and sure, why not?”

Luke smiled back at him. “Awesome!” He then led Dean into the shop and closed the gate behind them so no one else could enter. He turned back to Dean. “Perks of being the boss, you get to close early when you want to.”

Dean laughed before following him to a small sitting area in front of the dressing rooms where he was instructed to sit while Luke went to grab coffee. He came back shortly with two cups. “I didn’t know how you take it, so I left it black but there’s cream and sugar in the back too.”

Dean waved him off and grabbed the cup being extended to him. “Black is fine.” He then took a sip and smiled at the taste. Luke smiled back at him. “What did I tell you? Better than Cinnabon.”

“Way better than Cinnabon.” Dean agreed before finally allowing himself to take a look around the shop. “So how did wind up owning a place like this?”

Luke smiled and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. “Necessity, actually.” He opened it up and showed Dean a picture of a baby and two slightly older children. “Those are my little buggers and I had them all.” 

Dean looked up at him. “You had them, like you were pregnant with them?”

Luke nodded. “Yup. When I was pregnant with the twins, that’s the older two Tyler and Tommy, I had a hard time finding clothes for pregnant men. I could wear some stuff in the women’s section but most of it wasn’t cut right and was uncomfortable so after I had them I talked to my husband, and he put me in touch with a guy in fashion design that he went to high school with and now five years later, here I am.”

“That’s a really cool story, I’m sure a lot of men appreciate you doing this.”

Luke gave Dean a suspicious smile. “Would you be one of those men Dean?”

Dean blushed and swallowed nervously before looking over at the other man again. “I’m not pregnant if that’s what you’re asking. I do however, um, have the capabilities?”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No it’s okay. I might be better to get someone else’s opinion on all this.”

Dean took a deep breath before starting to tell his story. “I learned I had MFS later in life and was on hardcore medication for over 20 years to try to suppress it. I’m not on it anymore thank God and I’ve recently gotten together with a guy that I’ve known pretty much my whole life. We grew up together and now we’re dating, and he mentioned kids the other day not seriously or anything but I haven’t been able to get the thought out of my head since.”

Dean set his coffee on the table next to him before hunching over and putting his head in his hands. He felt Luke rest his hand on his shoulder. “Do you want kids Dean?”

“Yeah. I do. But it’s not practical with our line of works and the very idea of having a kid terrifies me.”

Both men were silent for a little while before Dean pulled his head out of his hands and sat back. “What was it like?”

“What was what like?”

“Being pregnant.”

Luke looked down at his lap with a soft smile. “It’s like nothing I have ever experienced before. It’s not easy, believe me, but seeing my three kids grow up and smile and laugh was completely worth those 18 months in total. My husband and I haven’t talked about a fourth kid yet but I honestly think I would go through it again in a heartbeat.”

Luke sat up suddenly. “Oh! I know something that might help.” He then ran behind the register and pulled out a weirdly shaped beige pillow and brought it over. “This is a fake pregnancy belly that they use in like movies and TV shows when a character is pregnant but the actress isn’t. We use them here so people can try on clothes for when they’re a bit bigger. It’s not perfect but it gets the job done. Here I’ll show you how it works.”

He then proceeded to un button his shirt and position the pillow underneath his T-shirt while wrapping the straps attached to it around his body and sticking them together behind his back. He then smoothed his t-shirt over it. “And voila! Instant baby bump.” 

Dean stood up with what he was sure was a very stupid look on his face. Luke now looked about five months pregnant and it was weird and fascinating all at the same time to see a pregnant man up close even though he knew it wasn’t real. Luke smiled at him. “Would you like to try it on?”

“Who, me? No, that’s fine, I’m good.”

Luke removed the pillow from under his shirt and extended it out towards Dean. “There’s no harm in just trying it on just to see what you would look like.”

Dean looked between Luke’s face and the pillow a few times before gently taking it from Luke’s hand. He took off his jacket and turned so that he was facing the shop interior instead of the giant mirror that was outside the dressing rooms. Without looking down he lifted his t-shirt and stuffed the pillow underneath it, secured it behind him, and pulled his shirt back down again. He closed his eyes and stood there for a second unmoving. He could hear Luke talking from behind him. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, you just need to turn around.”

Dean slowly turned to his side and opened his eyes. He sought out the mirror and audibly gasped when he caught sight of his reflection. He legitimately looked pregnant. He was wearing a black t-shirt so it was kind of hard to see but there was an actual curve going on underneath his shirt. He brought his left hand up slowly before tracing the curve with his hand. He turned his head towards Luke. “This is so weird.”

Luke laughed. “Yeah it’s a bit of a mind fuck to be honest. You look good though, I think pregnancy would suit you.”

Dean’s eyes widened, and he turned back towards the mirror. “You think so?”

“I do.”

Dean looked down at himself and caught sight of the time on his watch. “It’s getting late and you’ve got kids at home I should probably get out of your hair.”

He then removed the pillow and handed it back to Luke before putting his jacket back on and picking up his coffee. “Thanks for everything today, I mean it.”

Luke smiled again. “No problem and if you even need to talk to someone about stuff like this you know where to find me. Here I’ll show you out through the back.”

-

When Dean got back to the bunker he could see Sam sitting at the war table on his laptop from the balcony. He looked up when Dean came down the stairs. “Hey, where have you been? You left hours ago.”

Dean gave him a tense smile. “Just went somewhere to think.”

Sam gave him a concerned look as Dean sat down across from him. “Everything okay?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, something I need to ask you though.”

Sam closed his laptop and pushed it aside before reaching across the table and covering one of Dean’s hands with his own. “Shoot.”

“Were you being serious back in Utah, about wanting kids with me?”

Sam sat back in his seat and put his head down for a moment before looking back up at Dean. “Yeah. I was.”

Dean then proceeded to tell Sam about his experience with Luke that evening and Sam listened diligently. When it was all over he picked Dean’s hand up and started rubbing circles with his thumb. “So how did seeing yourself like that make you feel?”

“It was kind of weird to be honest. I never even imagined myself being in that position and here I was looking huge and pregnant. The idea still kind of scares me a little and I still think it’s a stupid idea being hunters but I want it. I want a baby, with you, now.”

Sam went over to the other side of the table and pulled Dean from his seat into a hug. They stood clinging onto each other for a couple seconds before Sam pulled away and kissed Dean. “I want a baby now with you too.”

The boys smiled at each other. “We still have a lot to talk about before we start trying, but we should totally do this.”

Dean smirked at his brother and wiggled his eyebrows. “Want to practice some?”

Sam laughed and playfully smacked Dean on the butt. “We can do that after dinner. I think the frozen lasagna I put in the oven should be done by now.”

Dean cheered and kissed Sam one more time before pulling away from their embrace and running towards the kitchen. Sam followed him at a slower pace and laughed at his brother’s antics. He loved that weird and silly man with all his heart and nothing was going to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support guys! Means a lot! :)


	7. Tests and Tribulations

The next morning, Sam walked into the kitchen and dropped a stack of books on the table causing Dean to jump up from his breakfast. “Dude, I’m eating here!”

Sam ignored his brother. “These are all the books the bunker has on pregnancy although I’ll probably have to go out and get some more current ones considering the latest publishing date I could find here was 1947.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Is all of this really necessary?”

“If you want to get pregnant it is. I’m going to the store later, need anything?”

Dean shook his head and watched Sam walk out of the kitchen with a weary look on his face. Dean turned to the stack of books that was left behind and picked one up to start leafing through. Just looking at the pages was already making his head hurt. He hadn’t realized so much went into making a baby. It should be a simple process, stick it in and if it catches then nine months later you have a kid. 

There was voice in the back of Dean’s head through reminding him that nothing in their lives was ever that simple. 

-

Sam went kind of crazy in the next couple weeks. He started reading all these books and blogs and printing off all these sheets of paper with stories on them about how other people managed to get pregnant. He then started to force what he had read on Dean.

Dean was ok with some of the changes. As much as it pained him to say, alcohol probably wasn’t the best thing to be drinking right now and those weird tasting vitamins was probably giving his body the best chance at conceiving a kid. 

Sam was starting to get on Dean’s last nerve though. He was watching Dean’s every move and practically shouting at him when Dean did something he considered wrong such as having more than one cup of coffee a day. 

They barely even acted like a couple now and Dean missed his brother. Sam was so focused on having a child that it seemed like he had forgotten Dean was also a person and not just an incubator. 

Everything came to a head two weeks after they agreed to start the process of having a baby. Dean was bored and skimming through a book in the library when Sam came in from outside with a grin and a bulging plastic bag in hand. “Hey look at what I found at this little shop downtown. It’s this tea that promotes…”

He trailed off into a spiel about the health benefits of this tea that from what Dean could see looked like sewer water. After about five minutes, Dean had finally had enough. “No.”

Sam stopped talking and looked at his confused. “What?”

Dean stood up and walked over to Sam. “I said no.”

“No to what, the tea?”

“No to everything! If this is the way you’re going to act for the rest of our lives with a kid then I don’t want any part of it. It’s done, forget I said anything about kids because it’s not happening.”

Dean then stormed out of the library and went into his room. He sat at his desk and fumed at his laptop for a little while before calming down and realizing he might have been a little hard on Sam. He loved the big idiot with all his heart but he couldn’t take the over barring nature anymore. 

A couple hours later Dean heard a knock at his door and a soft “Can I come in?”

Dean opened the door to a sheepish looking Sam that sat on the bed while Dean went back to the desk chair. Sam sighed and looked up at his brother. “I’m so sorry De. I got so caught up the science behind it all and trying to get results that I didn’t realize how this all must of made you feel.”

Dean nodded. “The whole thing is kind of overwhelming to be honest. I still haven’t fully grasped the idea that we’re going to have a baby and I’m going to give birth to it and you come in with all these ideas and it was just too much. I mean I’ll still take the vitamins and whatever but if it happens, it happens and if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be. We can’t try and force it like this because were just going to end up burning ourselves out and I don’t want to end up like that. I just want my brother back.”

Sam gave him a gentle smile and opened his arms. Dean walked over and straddled his lap before wrapping his arms around Sam’s neck. They stayed content like this for a while before Sam started talking again softly. “I found a kit online that tells you when you’re ovulating and when the best time is to conceive. Would you be willing to look into it?”

Dean pulled out of the embrace but still stayed on Sam’s lap. “That sounds like a good idea. Its probably a good idea to find out if I am even able to still produce eggs and shit.”

Sam kissed Dean on the forehead and looked him in the eye. “Don’t beat yourself up about the past. If it happens it happens right?”

Dean smiled and agreed before the two of them hugged again. They would figure it out no matter what life threw at them. They were the Winchester’s after all.

-

Life went back to their shade of normal after that. Sam still hovered a little bit but Dean wasn’t afraid to call him out on it now. 

Dean took one of the ovulation test things every night and every night he was disappointed by the results. His body was probably completely jacked up from those pills because he wasn’t ovulating at all. He tried to push it from his mind but as time went on he couldn’t help the self-doubt that crept in. His stupid body couldn’t even do the one thing it was designed to do which meant he couldn’t give Sam a baby.

Sam was very gentle about the subject around Dean, never pushing just offering encouragement which made Dean feel even worse about the whole situation.

They were currently in Alabama hunting a werewolf when Dean took his latest test. He had to take it around the same time every day that wasn’t first thing in the morning so he chose around seven at night. 

As far as Dean was concerned anything having to do with urine was disgusting. He had to pee in a cup and then dip the test in for a few seconds before pouring it all in the toilet and washing his hands with lots of soap and water. The test took roughly ten minutes so he wandered back into the main room of the motel to help Sam get the weapons ready. “Did you grab the silver knife from the trunk or is it still out there?”

“I grabbed it and the extra thing of bullets.”

“Awesome.”

Sam looked up at Dean. His brother probably thought that he was a good actor but Sam could see right through the façade and this whole ovulating thing was bothering Dean way more then he let on. “Hey. If it happens it happens right?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah I know. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating though.”

“Dean if we never end up having a baby then I’m ok with that. All I need to be happy in life is you by my side, everything else is just icing on the cake.”

Dean smiled and walked over to Sam to give him a kiss. “Right back at you Sammy.”

They kissed again and then heard Dean’s alarm go off to check on the test. Dean headed over to the bathroom while Sam finished up with the weapons bag. 

Sam had just zipped it up when he heard Dean from the bathroom. “Uh. Sam?”

“Yeah Dean?”

Dean stepped out from the bathroom wide eyed and holding the test up for Sam to see. “Sammy. I’m ovulating.”

Sam’s mouth dropped open slightly and he rushed over to his brother. Sure enough there were two lines on the test strip. “Oh my god.”

Dean smiled. “Guess my body isn’t completely jacked after all.”

The two of them stood there smiling like idiots at each other for a moment until reality came crashing down on Sam and his mood turned sour. “We can’t do anything though, can we?”

Tonight was the full moon. This was going to be there only shot until next month at the werewolf that had already killed three people. They couldn’t drop everything and have sex now; there were lives at stake. Dean shook his head. “No, we can’t.”

Sam leaned down to hug his brother. “I love you Dean, so much. Now we know your body can produce eggs so there will be other chances.”

“Love you too and I know. It’s just disappointing.”

Dean slapped his brother on the back and pulled away. “Alright, let’s go kick some werewolf ass!”

Sam laughed, grabbed their stuff, and followed Dean out the door towards the Impala.

-

Werewolf successfully taken care of, the Winchesters had gotten back late last night and promptly face planted into bed. The next morning Dean woke up to Sam stroking his hair. He turned his head to the left and opened his eyes to Sam’s smiling face. “Hey.”

Dean smiled back. “Hey. What time is it?”

“Just after nine.”

Dean groaned and shoved his face back into his pillow. He could hear Sam laughing before he could feel himself being turned over and Sam lying on top of him. “Whoa.”

Sam laughed again. “So, I’ve been thinking-.”

“God help us all.”

Sam flicked Dean in the head, which prompted Dean to laugh before continuing to talk. “I was reading about the test online and it said that most people ovulate for two days at a time.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he lifted his head up. “Sam, what are you saying?”

Sam gave him a wolfish grin. “I’m saying that if you’re ok with delaying our trip home then we could theoretically stay in this room all day having a little fun. What do you say?”

As Sam said this, he had started trailing his fingers up and down Dean’s body causing him to shiver at the stimulation. “I say hell yeah!”

Sam leaned down to connect their lips and then the two of them proceeded to spend the rest of the day their favorite way, with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Hope you liked it!


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